Friday, March 19, 2010

No Hero Worshipping Apologist Here

For those that think I was letting Tiger off the hook for his personal responsibility in my March 4th opinion article, “Tiger’s Failures Stem from Our Own”, that is surely not the case. I thought that what he did was as despicable and wrong as the next person. I wasn’t trying to say that he’s not responsible for his actions, for it is inevitable that we all end up being responsible for our actions somehow, and rightly so. Even OJ Simpson, who bought his way out of criminal punishment, still faces civil punishment through our legal system, and more importantly has to face the music with his friends, family, associates and the general public. He got away with murder, but his image to his family and friends will forever be tainted, and he has to live with that.

Perhaps what I was really saying, is that our society is not judgmental enough, but only when it suits us. For instance, some who think I’m not holding Tiger personally responsible, probably are still friends with someone they know who has cheated on a spouse. Or perhaps those that say I wasn’t holding Tiger responsible enough, were the ones that told Tiger’s dad that he was doing a fine job raising Tiger, not raising any objection, questions or concerns, when the young boy seemed to be obsessed with golf and estranged from the other kids.

Tiger obviously lacks the traits of a true hero, but as I say in my book written before the scandal occurred, “..we don’t know what true heroes are anymore.” Tiger is an embodiment of what extreme dedication, hard work, razor sharp focus, maniacal tunnel-vision, and singularity of devotion to a sport can do for your performance in it.

My point of the article was that we don’t care what it took for kids to get to that point of success and achievement. If we understood the process to get there, we would understand what these athletes missed out on growing up. And I argue that there are no other athletes that have had the kind of responsibility and success that Tiger has had with his ultimate celebrity status. He has been the highest paid athlete since 2001 and is a unique story of his time. In 2007 and 2008 he made more than double any other athlete, and was second in celebrity earnings to Oprah Winfrey.

I too was fooled by Tiger’s seeming perfect image, and just couldn’t believe that he had it all together like he did. I was astounded and aghast years ago, when I saw this supposed picture of perfection on and off the course, and was dumb-founded as to how he did it all. I was in a similar position to him growing up, and wasn’t able to come close to being able to handle it all with balance and healthy thinking. My mind was weak and bothered by things, so I was just baffled at how he did it. I eventually came to accept it and succumb to the fairytale, because it was the easy thing to do and I wanted to believe it. I thought he must be the exception, and there is one incomprehensible person that is of just the right disposition to carry it all off.

Thus, I was as disappointed, or more so, than others when the scandal broke, believe me. This fairy tale image I allowed myself to take on of Tiger had been broken. I wanted to believe that I had chased something worthy and something that was available, that it could have been attained. I wanted something untouchable in this dirty life of ours that tries to smear and de-value others’ efforts and achievements, as the media or public are always critical and trying to find and illuminate some of the dirt that they don’t stand against.

I disagree with Steven Kane, and do not believe that Tiger admitting to this public debacle is the first step toward his atonement. His statement seemed contrived and forced to me, and he did it because he had to, for us the public and his sponsors, so he could come back to golf without being derided and taunted on the course. Tiger Woods may have publicly acknowledged his personal responsibility, but so too did Charles Manson, John Edwards, and Bernie Madoff. Are they also reforming themselves and on their way to atonement? They knew what they were doing when they did it, and they did it for a reason. That reason is a part of who they have grown to be.

To admit personal responsibility for something, and to be sorry for it, are two totally different things. The divide between being able to change the very fabric of the person you are and reform yourself, and to say some half-appeasing words to have the appearance of change, is as wide as that gulf of space between Mercury and Pluto (wherever that lil’ bugger has drifted to in our solar system). Only God knows what Tiger is actually thinking or believing. None even knows if Tiger wants that reconciliation you speak of. Just as his bad behavior and great golf were not formed in a vacuum of our imagining, either will be his supposed atonement. Yes it is a serious issue, that is why I’m dissecting it. Serious issues often have complex underpinnings rather than readily available solutions. It’s as if the people who say Tiger didn’t live by their rules are upset and mad that he didn’t, rather than sad. It’s as if they want to be rewarded for their own good moral behavior, as if the reward in acting that way is not enough. It shouldn’t be a burden to act that way, those people should feel fortunate that they have the set of values in tact that they do, and have those principles to guide them. Tiger is unfortunate and unlucky not to have those principles instilled in his fiber, and is the less happy one for it.


Smorg said...

Hey there,
Good clarification, I think. :o) I dunno about Tiger's apology being compared to those of Manson, Edwards or Madoff, tho. The crimes of Manson and Madoff had real affects outside of their family. And John Edwards was running for public office. Tiger's acts of infidelity with other consenting adults only affected his own family and I don't think he ever consciously presented himself as a moral role-model/leader for others. :oP

To be honest I don't think Tiger owes anyone outside of his family, perhaps a few sponsors, and maybe the family of his mistresses an apology. :oP I don't see how other folks can claim to be owed an apology for how someone else behaves in his own private life... But then that seems to be the current fashion in America where many of us are too judgmental about others and matters we have no business being judgmental about, while at the same time not judgmental enough about our owns.

Perhaps the overblown publicity Tiger's sexual escapade has been getting will end up being a good thing for him in the long run (a reality slap that will make him think twice before succumbing to his hormones with the wrong women again), but it is also claiming innocent victims of its own... his wife and kids. They didn't do anything to deserve the public invasion of privacy. :o(

On another note, I don't think you have a weak mind at all. Perhaps you are more prone to self examination and doubt than he was/is. But I'd see that as a valuable trait to have. I'd rather ride in a car with someone prone to cautions than with someone who thinks he can get away with anything. :o) Besides, it's fun reading your thoughts! Ya've gotta post more often!!!

Cheerio, :oD

BookingAlong said...

Like you, I think that true repentance is different from a public apology done to calm down fans or to appear sorry. I don't know if is truly sorry and can't see into the heart and soul of this man.

I do think he is similar to many child stars. His father got him into golf early and he even appeared on tv, showing his abilities. He practiced so many hours that I don't know if he had a normal social life.

When child stars grow up, they face rejection based on their looks and not being a child any more. When talented athletes grow up, they may have enough talent to stay in the limelight but never get the social skills to behave ethically and fairly.

I''m rooting for him to take this as a wake-up call but don't believe people can change overnight. Plus, he'd want to change.